I'm also pissed because my mother gave my aunt 50 thousand dollars to split between my brother and I. I tried not to use mine, so there is atleast 23000 dollars for me some damn where and I don't know where or even how to ask. I guess my mom thought I would be comfortable enough to actually talk to that woman. 23 grand! So why can I not afford ramen right now? FML!
- Mood:
aggravated
Classes have stressed me, mind, body and soul....and I'm looking for a tension reliever that will take me above it all. I need to be free from it all. I need society's holds to leave me as I drift away into some mindless, careless maze...of true pleasure....whether it be from music, dance, booze, or what whatever results from that.
My heart aches, and after being told no all day, i really just wanted to scream "yes!"...maybe next weekend....sigh....<input ... ></input><input ... >
- Mood:
exhausted
- Location:chillaxing in the dooorrrrmmm
- Mood:
bouncy - Music:imogen heap
Its the summer and I've been working. I continue school in the fall. My family is jumping down my throat about how graphic design won't pay the bills. I'm also afraid that thanks to my slacking, I will NEVER graduate. Very scary thought. I don't want to be the family black sheep forever.Then I got advice to also take up web design and photography. Maybe that will work. Maybe I should also minor in psychology.
I don't know.
I just want to be successful. Not for me, I would be happy just living. I believe I'm under God's care but my family wants more. Where should I go? What should I do?
Maybe I should ask God for guidance. He'll know what to do. But I haven't been true to Christ. Would he still hear me? I know he cares, but I've fallen short so many times. hmmm....my shortest prayer ever:
God, I pray for guidance.
End
- Location:Birmingham, my room
- Mood:
discontent
The same house that we used to play in as kids. The same house that we had adventures in and then went outside to play with the kids in the neighborhood that swarmed with life.
All the older women that used to give us candy and other sweets have passed.
Now Drug dealers run the streets.
Now the street...is dead.
Today I saw the bug that used to frighten and entertain us when we were young. It almost symbolize what used to be...when things were wonderful and enchanting almost.
So I set the bitch on fire. The bastard didn't deserve to live.
- Mood:
blank
- Location:Montevallo
- Mood:
awake - Music:Estelle, Shine
Anything new in music just about. (Soulja Boy can suck it!~Evil face~)
It's all about Hendrix and Black Sabbath BABEEEEEEE...don't sleep on the old legends
...or they will come after you ;) :P
- Location:BAMA....its hot down here.
- Mood: annoyed
- Music:The ting tings......SHUT UP AND LET ME GO!!!! Seriously.
Sex is the bomb with her.
People like her more because she cares less about issues.
She's more fun.
She's outrageous.
She's courageous.
She's ....one really bad bitch.
And I LOVE her....because when she's here...I'm not.
So here's to another shot of vodka!!! ;) :P
I'm not emo I swear....just an alcoholic...........................
........................................
- Location:the HAM
- Mood:
drunk - Music:Keri Hilson ~Intuition~ Check it ooouuuttt~~~~
- Mood:
indescribable
too painful to heal it comes and goes
whenever it feels.
Could this be love?
I thought love didn't hurt.
The year before I sat in that same hot seat in front of one very SKEPTICAL advisor.
"You haven't taken ANY art courses in high school?? " He asked. I had just changed my major from biology to art. I wasn't 100% sure what I was doing myself. All I knew, was that it had to be done. He expressed how much he didn't quite approve and I left unsure and almost wanting to cry. I met the artist of the show in the gallery downstairs right then who inspired me and told me to tell the haterade drinkers to "just not look" if they didn't like the swagga I showed in my own art. I was pumped, and that day lit a fire.
I sat there today after taking a few foundational courses. The hours were LONG this semester. The time was HARD. The workload seemed ENDLESS, and I was still a little sleepy from the 12 hours I used working on my creations, yet I still soared in colors...
....and that fire was burning, engulfing more in me than ever.
The advisor returned my smile and said,"Well I guess you proved me wrong."
- Mood:
artistic
I really do wonder if people think BEFORE they opened their mouth.
I can do bad all by myself!
I need a cosmolongislandmartinigreenhulk.
I'm frustrated.
Super frustrated.
Stupidity runs in large numbers and apparently the bitch is contagious.
I NEED.....
I NEED....
I need....a nap. Maybe I'll feel better then.
- Location:stuck in my fuckin dorm!
- Mood: aggravated
What is it about them???
There is no better feeling than riding in a car with close friends through downtown feeling the fresh air hit your hair and knowing the night ahead you will be LOONNNGG. I'm a nighthawk. Im always getting into things that I shouldn't and it feels goood. Its nice winding down after a long day and getting into trouble. I don't know, the night calls my name and the morning TERRIFIES me! haha!
Now I just need to get my peeps together in Birmingham. Here, it gets lonely for me! I wish I was back home sometimes....
- Mood:
restless
Nearby, her boyfriend watched with such intense concern on his face, echoing how he felt in his heart. The love of his life just received some tough news, and he could tell it hurt her. Money wasted away with the every minute he stayed there but he couldn't pull himself to take his gaze off of her.
The girl felt tears begin to build as her trembling hand went into her purse searching for the keys. "a death in the family" ranged over and over in her mind. Her heart called out to her equal behind her. She knew he had to go to work. She knew that he had bills to pay however her heart called still. She continued to search for her door key with a feeling of hopelessness in her heart when she felt a hand grab onto her wrist. She turned and looked up into his face and held onto him for dear life as she felt herself begin to break.
She could feel comfort radiate from his body and held on tighter as his brushed through her hair gently.
He looked off in the distance and furrowed his eyes as he thought long and hard, he then pulled her hand and said, "Come on." They sat there on the curb and watched the skyline of downtown. He looked her way occasionally to read her face. They sat silently for a while.
"I hated him. I really did not like him. Why does his death hurt me so?" The girl looked over at the boy.
They talked, and talked, and talked. They talked about her uncle whom had passed away a few days before. They talked about what kind of person he was. They laughed at some good memories and frowned at the hard times.
Then they talked about cars.
Then video games.
Then movies.
Then...life. The boy looked at the girl in awe at all the things he never knew about her. She has never opened up like this before to him. The girl looked gratefully at him then off into the distance at the sunrise.
The boy lost his job. It worried him, however he was reassured as he was given a position at another job the very next week promising twice the salary he had before, as well as a company car. He walked from the interview with a full smile and hopped in the car with his girlfriend. He smiled at her, started up the car, and drove off while saying, "Now tell me how YOU became a pageant princess again." He laughed.
"Please forget I ever told you that."
I just receieved news of a death in the family. I guess me writing a story is a coping mechanism. I couldn't really write anything else....
- Mood:
sad
Liquor holds no secrets. I'm pretty sure if pinocchio took a swig of grey goose here and there his nose wouldn't have gotten any longer than an inch. You get me drunk and you can get ANYTHING from me. (Conversation wise. Whoa! That sentence seemed so suggestive haha!)However, it's still not enough. Maybe its just laid out like this because I was never meant to be in love. I believed that for over a year. I went out on a whim to prove that wrong for me, only to have it shot down.
So confused...what do I need to do?
- Location:Birmingham, Last day of Spring Break
- Mood:
anxious
Now I'm in Birmingham on Spring Break. It's okay. Yes I would much rather spend the entire week not knowing which way is up but tonight will do just fine.
I found a blog of an author I have always liked. I wonder if he's as interesting outside the literature.
I love my boyfriend. He's not Lucky lol. He does care about me still however. I'm trying to make this work no matter how annoyed I get. I have to make this work.I don't want to be the selfish cheating bitch that I've always been. Change is better than being stuck in the old ways without a new horizon to look forward to.
Every woman wants to feel beautiful. What is it about walking into a classroom or the mall and feeling everyone's head turn PERMANTLY to you. To feel those eyes follow you around as you walk. Once your eyes come in contact with someone, they smirk two kind of smiles. Either a "you're absolutely dazzling" smile or a "who do you think you are...bitch" fake fake smile. Both are equally as energizing. What is it about stopping a man in his tracks, or watching as he breaks his neck trying to get a second glance of that southern belle that just walked/drove past him. I know, vanity at its worst. But I look GOOD today and I'm a woman. I love to feel beautiful.
Wow! I've been so busy with college work that I really haven't had time to blog like I used to. All is well I guess. When I'm not working I'm PARTYING with friends having a good jolly old time. I'm really excited about next semester because it will be dominated by art courses. CAN'T WAIT! Finals are around the corner, but its okay because SO IS MY 21ST BIRTHDAY! WHOOOOO! I have a boyfriend now and that's my heart. He's a bleach and videogame freak like me so thats a plus! My choir (Inspirational Voices of Christ) will have a concert Sunday. I'm quite nervous. Not sure why, Its not like I have to sing a solo. I have my two outfits (we change in the middle) even though one needs a little bit of repairing. Maybe i'm afraid I'll trip on stage or something trying to walk back out. If that happened, TRUST...I will lay there until the concert is over (Or get up singing "We fall down" lol!). Ummmm....I think I did good on today's biology test, ummmmm.....OBAMAAAA! Ummm....I'm going to texas next week! Ummmm...I changed my major from biology to graphic design, big jump I know, but it had to be done and now Im excited about my major! hmmmm....I guess thats all my personal updates.
- Location:bio computer lab
- Mood:
blah
Just when I thought I couldn't love this country anymore, the nation stood for change! I'm absolutely proud of the fact that most of us has left ignorance to improvement behind and made the right choice!
Today at breakfast, a lady who went through so much in the 50's and 60's walked to our table and danced! She said, "You just don't know what we have been through, and to be able to see this day amazes me!" All my make-up was about to wash off because I was on the borderline of tearing up! TODAY IS TRULY A GREAT DAY!
Many people are devastated by the results but finally, they are just receiving the feelings my ENTIRE family had the past 8 years!
I'm truly looking forward to changes in the economy, changes in the war, and changes in the health-care system. We have proven that we are ready for CHANGE! It doesn't matter if youre republican or democrat, we are all AMERICANS that truly love this country and simply want the best for it.
YES WE CAN! OBAMA 08!
- Location:biology lab
- Mood:
ecstatic
See, I really don't like this photo. My ends are so bare almost. Some of it is hereditary but a lot of it is all the chemicals I have been putting in my hair. I'm tired of damaging it so much!
This is the hair that I've seen all my life and am used to it. Still relaxed. I've NEVER seen my natural hair and can't wait to see it! Will it be super curly? Will it be bushy? Will it be super thick or extra soft? I can't wait to find out...
This is stage one. Right now I'm about 1 1/2 inches of pure new growth and counting. I'm keeping twists up for a minute to help me manage and jump start this process. I keep it moisturized and conditioned every day. Hopefully I will start to see improvements in my hair texture by January 09. (When Obama is inaugurated. Obamaaaaa!)
Natural Since August 31, 2008:
1 month 7 days
- Location:in my dorm room (can't sleep!)
- Mood:
calm
My grandmother called needing money. (The two damn near 50 year old dumbasses that live with her can't find their own damn reliable job to help give money to their mother!) So I'm a broke college student with no work study, no car, no degree (ofcourse) in mayberry. How the HELL am I suppose to find a job?! I've looked at ALL the possible sources 3 times through. It's like my family went...no, you can't have your car, but you have to support your grandmother. Its stressing me out because I have no means of doing that. Its not like I don't WANT to. Then I went back to my room and saw the internet down. WHAT THE FUCK AM I PAYING YOU FOR MONTEVALLO?!! So now I'm fuckin on edge and don't know how to get rid of it. See, this is why people are happier in Amsterdam.
- Location:Will's hall computer lab!
- Mood: aggravated
The school records office is driving me crazy with the mistake they made of thinking I was here fall of 07. They failed me for 4 classes!! WTF?! I hope they fix it because now they have my GPA at a 1.08 because of it. I was on academic probation and didn't even know it!
I'm going to the miss black and gold pageant tonight....I wonder if i'll be like "I wish that was me." Probably not, I couldn't sing in front of people...I always croak. Then I'll go to the outreach ministry thing a ma bob...maybe. Theyre giving away lots of stuff and even though it would be nice if I got a Xbox 360!....I shouldn't be upset if I don't. Anyways, I got statistics (ew.) in 30 so i'll drop this here.
Oh! I'm also thinking about going ALLLLL natural (hair). I want to sport my natural, THICK, curly hair(Which I've never actually seen since i've had perms in since I was like...8). hehe I know it'll all work out and look quite hawt!
- Location:bio computer lab
- Mood: worried
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